My Nirvana
by ABoxOfMacaronsPlease
Summary: It wouldn't be long before her time ends. She knew it somehow. All she had to do was say some hellos and goodbyes—mainly to Ryoji and Haruhi. Yes, they're the ones that were going to hog the rest of Kotoko's final days. One-shot


**A/N: Hello! This will be one of my first fanfics written for the Ouran High School Host Club fandom, and I'm glad to be able to finally contribute to it (after being in the fandom for awhile already)!**

** This story is a one-shot, but it's actually a part of _This is Our Story_, a miniseries containing other one-shots, two-shots, and three-shots in relation to each other. It has been broken down into five parts, this being the first. If you want, this can remain as a stand-alone, but that's up to whether or not you wish to progress with the following stories. _This is Our Story _focuses on pieces of the life of the Fujioka family, this being more focused on Kotoko before her death (and giving her a little glimpse into the possible future of her family). If you wish to progress with this miniseries, then I advise you read Part 2: "My Purgatory". Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this just as much as I did making this!**

**Disclaimer: OHSHC belongs to Bisco Hatori.**

* * *

Kotoko laid in bed, eyes halfway closed from fatigue. This was one of the tragic struggles that came with having an illness of an unknown background. That fact only made it worse, as she was no doctor; she was a lawyer who made decent pay for her family of three. Still, she had little to no medical knowledge worth making a profession out of.

The smell of sterile medication and hospital equipment was everywhere, and it made Kotoko feel all the more worse.

She wanted the smell of ink and paper—documents and case reports and law suits, all organized in clean manilla folders awaiting her in her office.

Kotoko also wanted another whiff of the scent from her daughter's shampoo on the little girl's long, brown hair: strawberry. Every time she clutched her little Haruhi, her mind would always be set to ease. Haruhi didn't mind—she loved both her mother and strawberries in general; however, she loved her mother much, much more.

_Haruhi,_ thought Kotoko, exhausted and aching from constantly laying on the stiff mattress of the bed. All was silent, minus the sound of hospital equipment and the faint sound of other patients and nurses and visitors moving about the bland building.

A knock came from the door. It was a sound that sent a wave of relief within Kotoko, as she didn't want to hear the constant beeps of machinery during her stay at the accursed hospital.

"Kotoko?" came the masculine voice of the visitor, revealing himself to be Ryoji, her husband and the love of her life.

"Ryoji!" Her voice was hushed, brought down to a near-whisper. Her weak vocal chords bothered her, but as long as she was audible enough then it didn't matter as much.

A sigh came from her husband, and he walked towards her with a bouquet of flowers. The ill woman's eyes were glued adoringly to the bouquet of mismatched colours. Kotoko smiled, and so did Ryoji.

"Flowers for you," he said, placing them on the table beside her and taking a seat on the visitor's chair. He pecked his wife's cheek. "Haruhi chose them before I dropped her off to one of our friends' home."

Kotoko gave a warm, loving smile.

"How is she doing? It's been days since I've seen her," inquired the brunette.

Ryoji's smile dropped a bit. "She's doing well. She misses you, you know. Almost every chance for a visit, you would be in need for treatment or she would find you resting."

Kotoko's gaze turned sad and regretful. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there for her, Ryoji. I want to continue supporting the family so badly, and I also miss Haruhi's hugs. Every day, every day I—"

Her husband's finger landed on her lips, immediately hushing her.

"Rest, dear," he whispered, before retreating the digit on Kotoko's lips.

"I miss her too," she mouthed, which Ryoji immediately understood.

"Soon. Next weekend," he promised, and Kotoko merely nodded.

* * *

"Mom?" called Haruhi, shaking Kotoko awake. The older woman groaned, and smiled as her groggy eyes flitted open and landed on her four-year-old daughter.

"Oh, Haruhi!" exclaimed Kotoko, sitting up and hugging the little girl. Haruhi beamed.

To say she felt glad upon seeing her daughter was an understatement; she was an ecstatic woman the moment brown eyes landed on a pair of younger brown ones.

"I miss you, Mom," cried the four-year-old. Kotoko stroked the little girl's head in loving assurance. It brought a frown upon the woman's face to see her only daughter in such a helpless state.

"It's all right now. I'm here," she said, and Haruhi smiled.

"I can't wait for school, Mom!" Haruhi began. She gesticulated, moving her arms in exaggerated motions as she went on. "I'll study hard, and I'll make you proud! When I grow up, I'll be a lawyer like you someday, Mom! I'll support Dad, and you'll be proud of me."

Kotoko laughed, hugging her daughter.

"Silly Haruhi! I'm already proud of you right now. You're a very good girl and I'm glad you're here. Your papa is glad to have you in this family as well. Don't forget that, okay?"

Haruhi nodded, beaming cheerfully.

"I won't," she replied, wiping the tears that formed and streamed steadily down Kotoko's cheeks. "Now you don't have to cry."

Kotoko's hands traced the moist line on her cheeks. She didn't know she had been crying. The brunette smiled.

"Thank you."

Haruhi glowed, and she began to converse with her mother like there was no tomorrow. This was one of Haruhi's happier days. Unfortunately the visit had to end when Ryoji interrupted, and both father and child left to leave the hospitalized woman to rest.

* * *

Dreams plagued her mind, but most of it were dark, dark, dark.

Shadows streamed from the corners of her vision; some forming hands and figures of unknown men and women doing weird things to her body. There was also the constant beeps and buzzes of equipment, all muffled but identifiable. The "dream" felt slow, but at the same time, pacing quickly for her to properly comprehend.

The next thing she knew, Kotoko awoke to the two loves of her life standing right beside her, both of which looked worried to death with tear-stricken faces.

She couldn't utter a word, as she was too weak to do so.

_"Ryoji, Haruhi,"_ she wanted to say, _"I'm okay, I'm right here. It's all right."_

Their hushed murmurs were blocked by the steady beeping of the heart rate monitor; digital lines moving and bobbing in unison with each heartbeat displayed on the black screen.

Pain started clouding Kotoko's mind, making her wince. Her hand twitched for the two people beside her, giving mental pleads for their comfort. Haruhi may have gotten the message, as she moved closer to her mother and clutched her pale, fragile hand.

Tears started blocking the ill woman's vision, moving down a fine stream down her temples.

_I'm so sorry_, she thought. _I'm so, so sorry_.

Despite her situation, she still let out a small smile—one that meant a thousand unspoken words. Both Haruhi and Ryoji noticed, and the two joined the song with sad smiles of their own. Kotoko squeezed the hand that gripped Haruhi's as strong as her feeble muscles would allow her.

The ill woman's breathing started to slow, which she quickly took notice of. Ryoji started yelling, moving swiftly to the other side of the bed and grasping Kotoko's free hand. More tears returned from the man and child's eyes.

The blurry forms of the nurse and doctor entered in a hasty speed, uttering inaudible words to each other as they proceeded towards the weak woman.

An argument stirred between Kotoko's husband and the unnamed doctor, and the nurse clutched a confused Haruhi in a comforting manner.

Kotoko's vision blurred more and more, and breathing became a chore for her. She could feel it now—she was dying. The renowned lawyer known as Kotoko Fujioka was dying. Her efforts wasted the moment an unknown illness of sorts took control of her body.

As best as she could, she extended her arms, reaching for the two people she loved so dearly.

One little brunette grasped her hand like a lifeline, and the older man with the lighter brown hair cried on the other. The nurse reassured and successfully placated Haruhi, and ushered her out—possibly to play with her instead of have the chocolate-haired child watch the death of her mother occur right in front of her eyes.

As long as Haruhi didn't suffer, then it was fine. Both she and Ryoji were the paradise of Kotoko's heart.

The minutes seemed to tick by slowly, and every breath that was heaved sent a pulse of pain throughout the dying woman. Ryoji remained by her side as the doctor looked on remorsefully, unable to do anything other than watch.

Then, she felt it. _It was time._

It was said that one could see their life flash before their eyes as death neared. That was not the case for Kotoko.

Instead she saw Haruhi, older and all grown up, walking down an aisle of flowers in a gorgeous white dress. Her daughter's hair was long, but styled in a bun with some curled strands accentuating her beautifully round face. Haruhi finished her walk and stood across a man, dressed in equally fine clothes for the momentous occasion.

She saw Ryoji crying as he passed off his daughter to the man she would soon take as her husband. This Nader her feel a rush of pride for her daughter. Time continued to flash by, leading to an idyllic scene of Ryoji dangling a little toy above the tiny form of a baby cradled in Haruhi's arms; her husband cooing in delight. Mother, father, grandfather and child, gathered on a picnic blanket under a tree.

It was strange. The tree was near a large, familiar school—an oddly pink school with a magnificently grand design. Kotoko never believed in clairvoyance. But then again, pre-death could do so many things to a person's spiritual and mental state, she thought.

The scene continued to move along as Kotoko focused her gaze on five other men joining the family on the blanket. The occasion seemed to have become lighter and more exuberant. She felt happy.

If she could look at a mirror, accomplishment and pride would definitely be written all over her fair face. The things she saw made her feel . . . whole and a sort of warming serenity. In the end, however, it was very pleasing.

Yes, she felt at peace.

Then, everything faded to white.

* * *

**A/N: And that wraps things up for this one! I hope you got to enjoy this. While typing this out I was actually waiting for a friend to reply to a message I recently sent to him. In the end I never got a response (I couldn't tell if I was left on read or not), so I fully focused on finishing this. The process was fun and I found it gratifying so making this was definitely worth it!**

**As you can see there is a mentioned ship there, although it wasn't specified. However I'm sure you can tell who Haruhi's future spouse may be based on the interactions between said spouse and his and Haruhi's child (and the content in my profile regarding my fandoms and ships, unless I'm that much of a sly fox and make it an unexpected ship which I'm not and won't do).**

**Anyway, thanks for reading! :)**


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